HOW TO DISMANTLE THE INTERNET TROLL
From the air we breathe to the love we share, we humans have always been so intricately entwined. But with the rise of social media, it is worth wondering if we are too connected to humanity’s harsh angles? It’s true, we have so much to learn from each other and it is powerful to have the courage to share the world from our unique perspective. But there are a lot of downsides to social media. The addiction, the comparison, and, of course, the trolls.
As a woman who has had a decent following on social media for about a decade, I deal with my fair share of trolls. I started observing how on any given day I could have dozens of people tell me they love me and just one person tell me I am shit, and somehow, even though the ratios were completely off and I was doing my best to ignore it, I was letting folks' cruel comments get to me. I decided to take some time and allow myself contemplation of the occurrence of The Terrible Internet Troll.
In some ways you would almost expect an account like mine to be mocked and I get the joke! Mockery, a persuasion tactic used by bards and politicians for centuries to diminish a person, is bound to appear in spaces where folks share their opinions. And, of course, you would be correct to expect that I get trolled by religious and political extremists. But unfortunately, the biggest group of trolls I deal with are other women in the spiritual wellness space who are trying to build their own following by posting aggressive, untrue comments on my posts to attract attention to their dismal social accounts.
These trolls are trying to emulate me but not in an inspired way - more in a creepy, live action role play version of my life. Their photos look exactly like mine, they make their handle something similar to mine, they take my writing, reword it, and make it as if it was their idea, and all while trying to raise an army to diminish me. They fabricate lies about me, send me death threats, and even farcical black magic. But the common thread of the wellness troll is righteous bullying, trying to make someone else look wrong while projecting themselves as right.
Expectedly, after a troll launches an attack, they proceed with launching some kind of online course, book, or offering. Unfortunately, this seems to be a marketing strategy that works enough for them to keep doing it. I know I’m not alone in experiencing this. I will share with you what I have discovered.
Understanding the Internet Troll
Internet trolls have a deep inability to see anything peripheral to their narrow, selfish world. They want recognition, validation, and fame and don’t care how many lies they have to tell or how many people’s days they have to ruin to do so. They often feel trapped in some kind of incredibly spoiled, albeit lonely existence that allows them the free time to leisurely obsess over how they can take down others. Rather than feigning any sense of legitimate, healthy productivity in their unoriginal businesses and social media profiles they are trying to make famous, they search for accounts they can sadistically feed off of. They spend too much time online and on screen, depleting empathy and humanity. Often they have fake, burner accounts plus one main account that the burner account constantly mentions while trolling in the comments of someone with a larger following. This serves the dual purpose of getting social media algorithms to grasp that the troll’s handle is being mentioned and leads the attacked person’s followers to the troll's account.
More often than not someone is trolling you because you trigger them. A troll forms from feeling impossibly insecure. Your success, your happiness, triggers them. They want to be where you are but they don’t see all the work you put in to get there. They think everything is just handed to you. They want to either steal from you or simply obliterate you to make themselves feel better. Usually, trolls take no time whatsoever to do any meaningful research about you to garner an honest, objective opinion. They see your following and want what you have. Or, they really just don’t like you and want you to pay the troll toll for showing up.
Trolls very rarely DM you to address a legitimate concern. They go directly to comment on your posts because what they are after is your following. If you have any kind of following, it is important to protect not only yourself but the people who follow you from the troll. Here are 9 tips for handling trolls…
How to Handle the Internet Troll
Screenshot the bullying comment and accompanying account, delete the comment, block the account, and report the account. Social media channels, like Instagram, claim they have a zero bullying policy, but that is simply not true. I have reported death threats and severe bullying and Instagram has done nothing about it. If you create a photo folder of bullying you’ve received somewhere where you don’t have to see it much, it can be helpful if you later have to open up a bigger case against the person.
Do not write or post about the troll or the often ridiculous statements they are making. This is exactly what they are after. Remember you have to protect your followers! Some of them have so much respect for you, they are willing to take it on themselves to defend you, don’t drag them into it! In addition, if you give it any public attention, you are now giving the petulant troll your energy. A win for them but a loss for you.
Do not let them make you want to hide. They want you silenced, removed. They want to take your place. It is a radical action to keep showing up. They are going after you because you have something to say! So say it!
Leave them alone with their poison. Poisonous people need someone or something else to parasitically feed off of because they have no energy themselves. Don’t waste energy trying to shift their perspective on you. Have peace in letting what other people think of you be none of your business.
Focus on the good you have in your life. When dealing with a troll it is imperative to keep a close eye on your inner narrative. Don’t fester in the draining troll energy. Go outside and play, get some exercise, and listen to music that speaks to your soul. Remind yourself of how loved you are.
Focus on uplifting others when you go on social media. Like posts, leave genuine, encouraging comments. In the social media space, where there can be so much negativity, focus on nourishing the folks who seem to be authentically spreading joy and originality. This kindness will always be returned to you.
Pray for the troll’s happiness. And if you can, forgive them. I know, I know…this sounds impossible when someone is sending you death threats or spreading absolutely unfounded lies about you, but the troll is bullying you because they are miserable. Imagine what a treacherous space you have to be in to think the only way you can get ahead is to knock other people down? When you wish for that person’s happiness, it will set you free and you will truly be able to transcend the tension of being bullied.
The troll almost always falls on their own sword. What trolls don’t realize is that their own righteousness creates an air of righteousness in the folks who follow them. The same people who cheered them on will eventually turn on them because they are in a deep power struggle over who can be at the top. You never have to worry about confronting them because they are building their own glass house. The only time it might be really rewarding to confront a troll is if you happen upon seeing them in person. See them stumble over their words when you look them in the eye.
Trolls desperately need validation. They need you to feel ashamed for being yourself, the way they feel ashamed when they look in the mirror. If you acknowledge their existence in any way you validate them. Anything you say gives them ammunition. Remember you are most likely dealing with a deeply wounded, ungrounded, vacuous black hole of a person that everything good disappears in. Best to not invite the vampire in.
What I No Longer am Willing to Give Trolls…
Remember, there is a dehumanization in showing up on screen and online. People look at you and feel all social inhibitions releasing, feeling free to say whatever they want.
I used to invite people who were trolling me to meet for a cup of tea and speak face to face. They would almost always back down at that offer because they only feel powerful behind their keyboard. I also used humor and nuance to deflect the bullying with clever retort. But as the troll really just wants to be seen by you and your followers, it’s best to act as if they don’t exist.
I also learned that even though we are encouraged to be vulnerable online, the only research trolls are interested in doing about you is looking for points of vulnerability and attacking you for them. So I no longer share deeply personal anecdotes on social media. I save them more for my blog!
The trolls will find anything to take you down. If they can’t find it, they make it up. But I’ve created a zero troll tolerance policy for my social media. I no longer give the trolls a moment of my time. I realized that what they want is my time and attention and the time and attention of those who follow me, so I now keep a strict report, delete, and block policy and keep living my life.
Moving On from Trolling
Your best defense is your happiness. Guard it steadfastly.
As a woman in my forties who refuses to be irrelevant, I suppose I set myself up for trolls. How dare I dare to be myself? To be a wild Mother? To live in a world of kindness and beauty and want to invite others here too? I can see by just being myself I trigger others.
But you know what I have found as someone who has dealt with bullies her whole life?
Sometimes (and it can take decades) the people who bully you might eventually, after some sort of epiphany, turn around and apologize! But it is a fool's errand to ever try and force someone else’s evolution. That’s why you hear me say again and again, be your own healer.
Look, I've had many lifetimes in this one lifetime. In my early years I went through a lot of really difficult experiences. I learned to overcome the aftershocks of those times by appreciating life’s simple pleasures, surrounding myself with people I feel good around, and spending time outdoors. Because of everything I have been through in my past and a deep understanding of how good I have it now, trolls don’t really get to me anymore.
But as a person who encourages other highly sensitive women to get out there and shine their light in the world, it feels important to share this guide with you. I hope it never happens, but if you are dealing with internet trolls, you are not alone and they are probably just coming after you because they can't see their own light. If you shine, Bright Star, you will continue to inspire others to do the same. Focus on those who love you. Let love overfill the wellspring of your heart. With love like this, poison has no room.
