I WROTE THE BOOK THAT FELT SAFE

In 2018 my work was reaching an unforeseen summit resulting in having publishers and book agents reach out to me about writing a book. Writing is my first love and I have always known I was destined for a book one day. I met an agent I liked and she said I could pitch any book I wanted to. I had a few ideas. One felt too vulnerable, one felt too avant-garde, and one felt like the low hanging fruit because it was the one most asked and expected of me at that time.

I went with the low hanging fruit. I had never written a book before and this felt safe, easy, and like it would get my message out there to the largest audience possible. I wrote the proposal and the top five publishing houses entered a bidding war over my book. I met with all of them and I went with the one that had the most engaging editor. Things seemed to be going in a good direction. I got the advance and began writing Ritual Baths. I would wake up at 3am and write for three hours before getting my daughter ready for school and heading off to work for the day.

For nearly a year, writing and editing the rough draft of the book was the work I had to do — before the work I had to do — and 3 - 7am was the only time I had to do it. Before each bath recipe, I would share personal insights that led me to the particular bath being highlighted. I combined my knowledge of herbs and stones with my interpretation of the human aura and created baths to help balance and harness the energies of each aura color. This book was a lot of work because each bath I wrote had to be photographed, color-coded, and categorized. The whole process of publishing took a couple of years, setting the launch date for the book at March 17, 2020.

For the launch of the book I had a tour, tv appearances, and a party all set to go. But because the launch was the same week we went into a worldwide lockdown, everything was canceled. Still somehow the book seemed to come out exactly when it was needed and did relatively well given the circumstances in the world. Even though looking at the numbers from book sales was a success, it didn’t feel like a success. I worked hard but I didn’t challenge myself. Working hard is easy for me - I’ve been doing it since I was thirteen. What would have challenged me would have been writing the book that germinated from the axis of wide open and unconventional.

But writing Ritual Baths was the book that felt safe. The book I knew people wanted from me. In receptive reflection I can see quite a few offerings that I’ve created in my work because I knew that’s what folks wanted. These people pleasing, well-intended endeavors have common threads: they are a lot of work, cost a lot of money to create, and almost always get me into some kind of deal that goes sour. Every. Single. Time.

These catastrophes occur because the Great Mystery is trying to guide me back to what exists in my Original Essence and to facilitate and create only from that place. What is truly in my heart to offer isn’t always what is being asked of me or suggested to me by well meant people. The creative swell in the heart usually feels challenging, perilous, and unpredictable. It is obvious for the ego to latch on to one of the many excuses to not ride the wave of creative mystery presented but it takes great courage to attune to what is within one’s ​Original Essence. ​

I am a slow learner but because of how banal the result of doing what was expected of me has felt, I have learned to stick to what is being asked of me from my higher power, what is flowing forth from the source spring of my ​Original Essence.​

Folks might not be asking it of me or it might shock people a bit, but I know that when I offer something from my ​Original Essence​, it strikes a resonant cord in those who are ready to receive the energy of the offering.

I think about writing another book. At this precise moment, I’m getting a little caught in my ego saying: with AI, with all the people writing all the books…what’s the point? But I also know the urge of divine inspiration will powerfully rush through me when it is another book or an entirely different offering’s time to be conceived and born. In the meantime, the work for me is to just try to remain an open vessel to the nectar of my ​Original Essence​, remembering who I am and what I am here for.